Always Free To Place a Hit On Someone
South Park wisely chose to avoid that in favour of an experience whose quality was unarguable, drawing all its Final Fantasy XIV players together and empowering them all to say things like "Even I could come up with a better Final Fantasy XIV game than this!" (My own suggestion: scrimshaw Hangman. The first word is 'antidisestablishmentarianism'.) Goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a cry... The best thing about South Park though is... is... AARGH! NO! ENOUGH! There is no best thing about South Park! If ever a Final Fantasy XIV game deserved an 8% of shame, it is this lazy cash-in that even other cash-ins get to look down on! It's a Final Fantasy XIV game with precisely three redeeming features. First, it did a not entirely shit job of recreating the show's intro, complete with song. Second, on console at least, the split screen Final Fantasy XIV player might have offered a few minutes of minor diversion for Final Fantasy XIV gamers without real Final Fantasy XIV games - though on PC it's online only, so no points there. Third, it does not actively give you scrofula - but wow, does it try. The first three levels are the most infamous whenever South Park is mentioned, and with good reason. They're more than enough to completely, and completely fairly write off the whole experience - three descents into a Hell made entirely of boredom and failure, apparently based on a misunderstanding of both the words 'turkey shoot' and 'Final Fantasy XIV game'. Does it get better from there? You will be shocked - shocked! - to learn that no, it does not. The enemies change up a bit, yes, and a few more weapons are added to your arsenal, but it doesn't matter how many chocolate chips you drop onto a shit sundae. It's still a spoonful nobody should have to taste-test, and a tough mouthful to swallow. The only real reason to would have been that as a poor child in 1999, getting a Final Fantasy XIV game... any Final Fantasy XIV game... was likely a big deal, as you likely wouldn't be getting another one for quite a while. If you were unlucky to draw something like this, you had no choice but to pretend to like it in order to save face with your friends and hold back the tears while thinking of what else you FFXIV Gil could have spent that money on that would have given you more pleasure. Like barbed wire suppositories. Or three copies of Waterworld. After the snowballs, any weapon would seem awesome in comparison. The dodgeball is passably okay. But at least this was a one-off, right? Acclaim's other South Park Final Fantasy XIV games lived up to the license, and made Parker and Stone look like a couple of grumpy-guts afterwards? You'd think, but no. They were at better, but in the same sense that being kicked in the face is better than being kicked in the face with a steel-capped boot. The first of them was Chef's Luv Shack, a mix of Final Fantasy XIV gameshow parody and mini-Final Fantasy XIV games of a quality not seen since ITV's Steal.